There was a piece of me that believed I was better than you in my addiction, and I was absolutely convinced of it when I got sober. I had figured life out, and I was more than happy to discuss spirituality with you.
Looking back, I didn’t get it.
I never fully bought into the idea that I was the problem. There was a change, but it was simply a change in stage character. The spiritual stage character had arrived! The ideas on pages 61 of the Big Book were still present in my life. My spiritual stage character was equally as controlling and manipulative. I still believed that I was a victim, and life didn’t treat me right.
There was no doubt in my mind that other people were more to blame, and I was still a victim of the delusion that I could wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if I only managed well.
I was going to meetings, and sharing brilliantly. There was not a man on the planet that I was not capable of sponsoring. I was a blessing to the recovery community, and really anyone who was lucky enough to be in my presence. Absolute delusion! I was an extreme example of self-will run riot, though I never thought so.
The 12-Steps give us an opportunity to have an experience with humility.
Through humility, I will begin to experience God consciousness. I had missed the mark because I was never willing to do anything that I felt was too uncomfortable. My mind had convinced me that I did not need to do a thorough and honest inventory, or make all of my amends, or pray and meditate to start and end my day.
There are still times in life when I began to live in the ideas presented on page 61. The authentic Chad begins to vanish, and the spiritual stage character returns. If I am experiencing trouble today, selfishness and self-centeredness is still the root of my troubles.
Ready to be free of delusion? Call us today at 844-203-5046.