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The Need to Believe


I was told very early on in my recovery that I had to believe in a power greater than myself in order to recover. My first reaction was that this could not possibly be true. How can God be the answer to my alcohol problem? That made no sense to me.  My problem was all the people in my life causing me pain and leading me to drink. This is what my alcoholic mind told me. So I continued to relapse and I never gave the program a chance.

A couple years later I was at that point again. At that point where I was told that I would have to find a higher power or I was doomed. I was told to read the chapterin the Big Book titled “We Agnostics.” I listened to the suggestion and I read it. There was one section of this chapter that really resonated with me. Looking back now, I know that it changed my life.

“We talked of intolerance, while we were intolerant ourselves. We missed the reality and the beauty of the forest because we were diverted by the ugliness of some of the trees. We never gave the spiritual side of life a fair hearing.”

This passage described me perfectly. I always felt I was so open-minded and accepting of others but this was not true. I never gave spirituality a chance because I didn’t like some aspects of religion. It didn’t matter that the book told me that I could choose a God of my understanding because I was closed minded when it came to spiritual concepts. When I finally got honest with myself I realized the truth. The truth about myself. It was time to open my mind and be the person that I thought I was. I was on my way. I came to believe in a power greater than myself.

“We found that God does not make too hard terms with those who seek Him.”

Cara O’Neill, Alumni Specialist

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