Posted on December 5, 2017 by Kacy
At some point, using drugs became no longer fun, it wasn’t working any more. I kept saying, “I am so done with this” but would just continue using. I had everyone in my family convinced I wasn’t using anymore and now I needed help and didn’t know how to ask for it. How could I disappoint them all again?
Finally, I had had enough of the insanity. I had stolen money from the office and didn’t cover my tracks and for the first time, I didn’t care that I was caught. I needed help. Totally broken and with nowhere to turn, I once again asked my dad for help. I said my goodbyes and my recovery began the next day. I will never forget the feeling of wanting to die in the airport on my way to West Palm Beach. I had missed my connecting flight and thought I would never arrive. I knew that once I got to Hanley, I would be safe. I have never been so happy to arrive somewhere in my life. I attended every group, lecture and outside meeting that was offered.
I knew that if I left after 30 days that I would use again. I needed to protect me from me. I became willing to take suggestions and stayed in treatment for two and half months. It was suggested that I continue with day treatment while living at a transitional living facility for women and was told to find a sponsor and a home group. My family all live in Indiana and I thought I was too old for a half way house, getting sober at 52. I realized I didn’t know how to live sober and did just as I was told.
During my active addiction, my mother passed away from cancer; my kids graduated from high school and college; my daughters were both married; I had 5 grandchildren; my dad had cancer and open heart surgery; my son moved out of state; I lost my career; my house; my car; myself. I spent more money on drugs than most people have in a lifetime. I wasn’t there for anyone at anytime. I became a liar, cheat, thief, and was a master manipulator. I became someone I didn’t know, someone I never thought I could be.
Today I truly have a life beyond my wildest dreams. I am now a woman of honor and dignity that lives her life in love and gratitude. My relationship with my children and other family members is better than it has ever been. I embrace every moment I have with each and every one of them. I stay as close to the middle of the program, work with other addicts and alcoholics, am involved with the alumni program that Hanley offers and so much more. God continues to direct my life as I pray for guidance and turn my will over to him every day.