Posted on January 21, 2016 by Laura Fuller
Alumnus Testimonial by: Rob K., Origins South Padre Island
One of the most important things to understand when going into any 12-Step fellowship would be, “What is my truth?” With a firm understanding of that truth, one can finally move towards a solution.
Before I went to Origins, I had no conception of what that truth looked like or what I needed for a solution.
I truly thought that once I separated myself from drugs, eventually everything in life would get better—that I could get on with my life, find a wife, finish school, and be a productive member of society. Fortunately, my visit to South Padre Island smashed that delusion and helped me see that the heart of the problem was, in fact, a problem of the heart.
For so long, drugs had been my attempt to solve a problem that stemmed from my core. When drugs were removed I became worse. Completely sober I did not know who I was; I was miserable and searched out things to do to distract me from the feelings of uselessness that consumed me. I did not take anything seriously. While in treatment, I made it difficult for the staff to care for me because I didn’t care about myself.
It wasn’t until a family dynamic exercise one weekend where God completely smashed the well-constructed wall around me that seemingly kept me safe from trusting others but consequently kept me prisoner to myself at the same time. In that moment of grace, I felt what real love was like in my heart. All that was required of me was the willingness to step into some fear and let go of the illusion of control I thought had on everything. I finally had the willingness to trust the truth which had been presented to me, and to move towards the solution.
Without Origins’ consistent care and fortitude towards my selfishness, I truly would not be alive today.